Social Skills- everyone wants them, how can we get them?

When most of us think of social skills, we think of an abstract concept and that’s hard to address, hard to work on and, in some cases, thought to be an innate skill that one either has or doesn’t have. But skills in the social arena are like any other skill and are subject to the rules of sensorimotor learning; they need to be learned at the "just right challenge", they need to be relevant to the lives of the learner and they need to be practiced for improvement to occur. Social competence permeates all areas of occupational performance- work, play and leisure contexts. Therefore, addressing the social needs of a child is as relevant to the educational setting as is handwriting, math and reading. Current research suggests social competency is perhaps more relevant a skill than traditionally taught academics (see Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence). The educational code in California includes social competence as an academically related skill.

It’s not a surprise, then, that Occupational Therapy takes a strong role in the development of social performance in a school and clinic setting. The role of a child or the occupation of a child is play and academic performance. The ability to follow through on social interaction (by having sufficient endurance to play a board game or an activity at recess or to have the sensory system mature enough to handle close relationships) is an essential piece of a child’s day. For example, poor eye contact may be due to poor muscle control in the eyes, poor modulation of visual input or poor understanding of the social need for eye contact. When a child has poor peer relations, they are often at risk for poor academic achievement, having an inability to join in small group learning, poor ability to participate in after school events such as field trips or science camp, and have a greater vulnerability to peer violence.

When a child has a primary diagnosis of a disorder characterized primarily as a social disability (such as NLD, Asperger’s or HFA), parents may need to advocate for social goals to be included in the intervention program (IEP, 504 plan, etc), and have those skills evaluated by an appropriate professional and assessed using appropriate assessment tools.

With all that said, social goals are, let’s face it, hard to write. Goals should be developed in a positive and constructive manner, should be written with the student and family, and should identify the greatest impediments to social success (rather than writing page after page of social goals). According to Steve Nowicki, Ph.D. who is credited with having developed, via research, the essential components of social skills, social performance includes: Staying in your own space, using your voice with appropriate tone, taking turns with words and body, appropriate use of materials, and facial expressions/gestures. Therefore, goals to address social may include but are not limited to:

• Able to successfully work with peers in small groups
• Able to identify rules of recess games and participate
• Able to take turns during classroom discussions
• Able to use materials appropriately without grabbing or crowding
• Able to successfully sit and attending during circle time without behaviors
• Able to identify by name 1,2,or 3 friends
• Able to ask teacher for clarification of an assignment

Take a large 30 gal trash bag and fill it with water. Close it up with a 20 feet of rope and hang it from a tree branch, suspended like a piñata. Give kids a bat and allow them each to take 3 swings at the bag. As the game progresses and the bag begins to break, and water begins to "sneak" out, kids will get more and more exciting. The final blow will bring a shower for all! A great activity for our hot California days!

Howard Gardner believes that there are six kinds of human intelligence. (1) Linguistic intelligence – helps you use the right words to speak, listen and write (2) Musical intelligence – the ability to hear music and make sense out of pitch (3) Logical-mathematical intelligence – able to put objects in some kind of order and comprehend quantities (4) Spatial Intelligence – enables you to perceive a form or an object, to see the world accurately and mentally rotate complex forms and image how they would look if you turned them around (5) Body-kinesthetic intelligence – makes you good at handling objects or controlling your physical movements (6) Intrapersonal Intelligence – helps you understand yourself (7) Naturalist intelligence – an innate understanding and compassion for animals (8) Interpersonal intelligence – a keen understanding of others. That’s a lot of ways to be smart – what’s your best way of understanding the world? Once you know that, it gets easier to meet friends, select activities to share with others based on your interests and feel better about your own unique strengths!

Book Review: Bridging the Gap

Rondalyn Whitney’s book, Bridging the Gap: Raising a Child with Nonverbal Learning Disorder, is finally here!

This book is easy to read because it includes examples from real life in addition to offering concrete theory and ideas. The stories about Zac made me laugh and cry, especially when I read about him throwing moldy lemons into the neighbor’s yard.

For practitioners, the strengths and areas of need are identified and discussed. Tidbits about children help make the ideas come alive. Anyone who has worked with children with NLD will immediately find lots of ways to relate to the stories and be inspired by the progress Whitney describes.

Parents will find a wealth of resources, discussion of various treatment strategies, and a positive outlook towards the future for children with NLD. The appendix is filled with a great wealth of resources: books, websites, and sensory strategies.

You can purchase the book at The Lighthouse Project or through amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com.

TRANSITION PLANNING: We now offer the Transition Planning Inventory, a standardized test for high school students to help identify areas of interest for planning transitions into the workplace, secondary education, etc. For students aged 15 and up.

Ask Zac

I get a lot of questions on my mom’s email– watch the Beacon for my answers --

Dear Zac:
My mom wants me to go to a different school next year. Last year at my school, I didn’t have any friends and my teachers were mean but I’m afraid the next school will be worse. What can I say to my mom to change her mind?

You’re probably afraid your next school will be worse but if you go back to your current school, it’s probably not going to be better and if the new school is worse, you have my word your parents will get you out of that school if it’s horrible. In general, you should trust your parents. Most of the time, your parents know what they’re talking about, have you noticed?. Sometimes, if you know how to make a good argument, you can convince them of something else but only if its still going to help you because that’s ultimately their goal. , I think you should try the new school because I’ve been to 3 different elementary schools and each one was better than the last. Even though change is hard and in some cases scary, you should make do and trust your parents.

Dear Zac:

My mom says I have something called NLD. Does that mean I’m stupid or sick or something?

By no means does it mean you’re stupid. I have NLD and it just means you have trouble with nonverbal communication, anything that isn’t clearly written down or spoken. NLD can be more of an asset than a setback if you have enough of the right help with it. You should get through the bad parts and into the good parts like being able to read well and being able to remember details during test times.

Dear Zac:

I don’t have any friends.

Making friends is hard for me too. I worked on becoming interested in others and becoming interesting by developing hobbies, learning to play games and joining activities in my community like playing Magic cards and karate and learning to make balloon animals. I learned how to tell jokes and how to understand jokes by working with my dad (we read the comics every day) and checking out comedy tapes from the library (I especially like Dave Barry tapes). Be as nice as you can to everyone. Never insult people. Read books that help you be a good friend like Good Friends are Hard to Find, How Rude!, and Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. If you’re still stuck, ask you parents to help you too – even though they’re reaching "geaserhood" they can be still be good for a laugh once in a while and can be helpful. If they’re too uncool, you can go to a social skills group and a therapist can help you learn the invisible rules so you can be a better friend.

If you have questions, please contact Zac by e-mail. Your question and answer will be posted in the next issue of The Beacon.

  Questions and Answers

The anticipation of changing schedules can make us all tear out our hair. Many children have difficulty with transitions and returning to school conjures up a great avalanche of potential threats – new friends, old bullies, homework, academic challenges, recess… You can help your child by pre-thinking about the year, anticipating and solving any concerns. For example, think about homework, what will your child need to make it easier? Set up a homework station, make a list and shop for supplies, organize an area in your home, make it inviting and comfortable. Talk about the first day – What will your child need to feel less anxious? Can you call a friend and get together before school starts? Will the school allow your child visit his/her classroom the night before (most children with an IEP and a social deficit can do this)? Can the teacher give your child a role to play in the classroom the first week of school to help them feel safe and at home in the new space? These simple strategies can make a big difference. Try not to over schedule your child the week before school starts and the first week of school – realize and acknowledge the stress of a new situation and support the body with amply rest, good nutrition and emotional supports to assure success.